Monday, December 18, 2017

He Waited for Me

January 22, 2011 by  
Filed under Monthly Articles

To the undeniable sense of God peering at me through the window, I pulled down the shade. To the tapping sensation on my shoulder, I responded with anger and resistance. God tried to get my attention again and again, but I was not interested in hearing from Him. Not anymore, that is.

I lost so much all at once, at a time when I battled undiagnosed health problems and had given so much to others. Grieving, weary and empty, my heart was open to words of the Comforter and Sustainer. I heard nothing.

Concerned that I may have something in my heart between my Lord and myself, I prayed, searched within and confessed anything that came to mind. Eager to receive a word from God, I approached Him again. I still could not hear Him.

Desperate to hear from the only One who could truly understand, the only One who could heal me and lead me forward, I continued to pray and listen. Silence reigned.

How could this be? Why were my pleas ignored? Why did God allow all of these trying circumstances to occur only to leave me to deal with them alone? I felt abandoned by God. Angry, I thought, “You mean you let all of this happen and now you have nothing to say? I’m done!”

Over time, I could finally hear the Lord’s voice again, but I was no longer interested in what He had to say. I resisted His attempts to get my attention, refused to talk to Him and remained determined to be in charge of my life.

With a hard heart, I went on without the Lord. Angry and bitter, I kept Him at a distance. I would not read His Word nor listen to music that had anything to do with Him. Sure, He began to speak to me again, but in my mind, it was too little, too late. If He couldn’t be there for me when I needed Him most, in the midst of a situation He allowed, why would I want Him back in my life? Even so, I missed my Best Friend of 15 years. We had walked together for so long and nothing else filled the empty space in my heart that He once occupied.

There were moments I considered talking to the Lord again. But how could I? I had been sarcastic toward Him, angry with Him and resistant to His voice. After walking away from the Lord and treating Him like I had, how could I expect Him to take me back? Was I even ready to speak with Him again? Was He ready to hear from me?

Out for an evening walk; it seemed like the time to try. With no prayer in mind, no words prepared, I spoke simply, candidly from my heart. Still tentative, I made no commitments, but I did talk to Him and He to me. I will always treasure that conversation – the conversation that re-opened my heart to Him.

As we talked, He told me, “You can run, but you can’t hide.” I told Him to leave me alone.

“I love you too much to leave you alone.”

Still angry with Him, all I could say was, “I’m not ready for this yet.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait.”

It didn’t seem I could have heard Him right, but I knew I had. I also knew that only God would be so patient to wait for me. Only my Savior would forgive me for the way I had treated Him. Only my Creator would understand me well enough to know that to say. Only my Best Friend would be so patient and give me time to feel comfortable with Him again.

Over time, we became close again. Our relationship even reached a new level.

I continue to be amazed at how He led me back to Himself and welcomed me to draw near to Him again. Now I welcome Him to watch over me or tap on my shoulder anytime.

Laurie Glass holds a Christian Counseling degree and is the author of Journey to Freedom from Eating Disorders. As a former anorexic, she mentors women in eating disorder recovery. She is passionate about sharing the hope of recovery through her writing and her website, freedomfromed.com.

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Comments

One Response to “He Waited for Me”
  1. Rita Garcia says:

    Thank you for the blessing! It is wonderful the way He keeps calling our name.