Sunday, January 21, 2018

How The Truth Transformed Me

April 3, 2011 by  
Filed under Monthly Articles

“Don’t eat that, you’ll get fat. You have no purpose. You’ll never get better. Just accept that this is the best your life will ever get.”   Those lies and many more tormented me through my six-year battle with anorexia.

After a series of losses and difficult circumstances, I became confused and depressed. I even lost faith, and then sought control by restricting my food intake. Everything else inside and around me felt out of control and I believed the lie that eating less would help me get through this trying time. However, it didn’t take long to realize I wasn’t controlling anything, but that the number on the scale, my distorted perception of the image in the mirror, unexpressed inner pain, and even diet pills controlled me.

I’m afraid that if I let myself eat more, I’ll lose control of my eating and get fat. Even more, I’m afraid to let myself feel the emotions that keep trying to surface. I have to keep pushing them back down. What if I let them out? I’ll lose complete control of my feelings, I just know it. Then what will I do?

Such lies were definitely in charge. But what could I do? I felt trapped.

Over time, I realized I had to let out my feelings; otherwise, they would slowly destroy me. Spending countless tear-filled hours writing in my journal was a painful and yet healing process. Penning my troubling thoughts and feelings helped me to see things from a different perspective. At times, I even uncovered emotions and musings that I didn’t previously know were there. By writing them out, they had less effect on me. Plus, journaling was a way to expose my inner pain to God’s healing touch.

Although I questioned my purpose, the truth was that God had a plan for my life. Even though it seemed insurmountable to break free of the eating disorder, there truly was hope for a better life. My fear of losing control of my eating and weight was irrational. Through journaling as well as prayer, I began recognizing the damaging lies. Still, they were so deeply imbedded; I wondered how I would break free of their control.

I prayed something like, “Lord, I can’t do this alone. I need your help to break free of anorexia. I started restricting my food intake in attempt to control at least one area in my life. Then I took control of my recovery and I see where that’s gotten me. Now, I want to let You be in control of my recovery journey. I know You’ll free me.”

One of the valuable truths the Lord brought to mind was Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” I began writing the truth on note cards. This included verses like Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength,” and Psalms 34:4, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” In addition, I recorded some of the words God had spoken to me such as, “You are beautiful in My sight,” and “Don’t take control yourself.” Other cards contained inspirational quotes as well as truthful statements about my appearance.

I reviewed these note cards repeatedly. Some I kept in my purse for easy access and others I taped around my full-length mirror. Over time, the power of the truth beat to death the lies. Those taunting statements became a memory as life-giving words of love, strength, honesty and perseverance took their place. As promised, the renewing of my mind brought transformation. I broke free of anorexia.

Now God speaks through me to encourage others who have eating disorders. Through my writing, my website and my work on online message boards, I have opportunities to spread His message of hope and healing.

These are some of the statements I now believe. Eat a balanced diet and you’ll be healthy. You look great. God has a plan for your life and He is using you. I’m a new person living a life based on the truth and filled with peace and joy.

Laurie Glass holds a Christian Counseling degree and is the author of Journey to Freedom from Eating Disorders. As a former anorexic, she mentors women in eating disorder recovery. She is passionate about sharing the hope of recovery through her writing and her website:

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