Friday, December 15, 2017

Insecurities

Insecurity is a big word for me. I struggle with it everyday. I have since I can’t remember when. Several years ago, God started working on my heart with a desire for Africa. I sponsored a young girl from Tanzania by the name of Glory, through a well-known ministry outreach. Her beautiful name alone is a blessing to me. She is nothing short of Glory. Her heart was so young and so precious. She was only 8 when our family began her sponsorship; today she is 16 and more beautiful than ever. In those first steps, I was so worried and insecure about sponsoring her. I thought,”What if something happens and we can’t continue, will she be worse off?”. There were a muriad of questions and concerns, but God laid on my heart to do what is right, and we did. Pressing through the insecurity and being obedient to His calling brought both Glory and our family many blessings.

As time moved forward the idea of helping more orphaned children entered my mind. God was again at work. A ministry for orphans and widows bloomed and was soon called Heart of God Uganda. Once again the insecurities crept in, even bigger than before. How will I do this? What if I can’t? Why is God choosing me? The list of what if’s went on and on. In faith, I looked insecurity in the eye and went forward. God has set my soul on fire for Him, and an incredible ministry to go with it. Oh there were, and still are days, when I’m stretched so far out of my comfort zone that I just know I’m sure to die. I sit alone sometimes and cry at the sheer thought of what He’s continuing to do with my life and His ministry. Why, God? Why me? I’m just a mom! His reply to me has been found in that He continues to bless me and the ministry, inspite of my insecurities…”because I chose you!”

He has brought so many special people into my life that have lifted this ministry up as well. Sharlyn Guthrie, Heart of God Uganda’s director of education and music has been instrumental to the growth of this ministry. God has poured out His spirit through her into to so many lives. Our upcoming mission trip is a testimony to this fact.

The mission team this year far exceeds last years in number, and once again the insecurities creep in! What if nothing goes as planned? What if I forget something important? What if the kids in Uganda don’t like what we’re doing? But the ultimate fear that comes to mind is, “oh dear God, Father in Heaven, what if I fail YOU?! I can hardly stand to think about it. I’m scared, absolutely terrified and full of insecurities that I will fail my God with a capital F! As I sat and prayed with tear in my eyes a verse came to mind “Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you”. Joshua 1:5 NASB. Oh how that just rings such a new energized spirit in my heart! We can and do fail God often, but He promises that He will not FAIL us! Brothers and sisters..if you struggle with insecurity, rest assured that God will be there for you to encourage you and lift you up. Infact in several verses of Joshua 1 He specifically says, be courageous! Why does he say that? Because He knows we are only human and full of insecurities! Thank you, Jesus for your mercies are new each day! I end with this friend, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9

Say goodbye to insecurities! Our God is able, even when we are not!
Be Blessed!
Denise

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Denise Matthews is happily married and a full time mother of five. God has blessed her with the position of Kinder coordinator/developer for her church in Riverside, as well as with a preschool teaching position during the week. She is the director for Heart of God in Uganda, an outreach of Heart of God International, an ebay trading assistant, and cub scout den leader. In her spare time she loves to do scrapbooking, crafts, read, and hang out with her family and friends. She is the Director of Heart of God of Uganda, where she is working to accomplish all that God has laid on her heart..

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